From Searching to Seeing - A Personal Testimony

For years, I’ve been searching for the truth. I thought I’d found it in the wellness world, then in religion, but each time, something felt missing, and this is an overview of how I came to where I am now and why it’s changed everything for me.

Back in 2019, I left my IT career to start a wellness business (Xhayle). In 2020, I also launched a Community Interest Company called Wild Sea Women. On the outside, everything looked wonderful: a growing wellness business, amazing women coming together, and so much positivity. But behind the scenes, I was slipping into unhealthy habits to escape the emptiness I felt. There were alcohol binges, nights of blacking out. There were nights away from home while I experimented with plant medicine, hoping it might unlock some hidden truth. And there was excessive spending on courses, coaches, and endless ‘healing’ tools and products.

Yet none of it brought healing, clarity or contentment. The alcohol left me ashamed, anxious, and exhausted. The plant medicine only made me paranoid and unsettled. And the spending led to resentment, because deep down I knew none of it worked.

Despite how things looked on the outside, I was lost. Wellness practices, positivity and spiritual experiences gave temporary highs, but they couldn’t answer the deeper questions I carried within.

Though I was raised as a ‘practising’ Catholic, it wasn’t until 2023 that I began reading the Bible daily and exploring different denominations, each with its own teachings and traditions. I then started attending a non-Catholic church, believing I’d finally found the path. This led me to close down my businesses at the end of that year. But over time, I noticed that the foundation of Scripture, the Torah, was often overlooked or even dismissed. That didn’t sit right with me; it instead sent me searching even deeper.

That realisation led me to begin studying Scripture for myself, learning the ancient Hebrew words (Abaryt Dabarym), which I believe are key to understanding Scripture because they carry such rich meaning. Finally, doors were opening, revealing truths I’d never seen before.

These days, my life feels completely different. I spend more time with family (including my little one-year-old grandson 🥰), and I’ve been learning new art skills where I’ve finally been bringing ideas and little stories to life through illustrations, something I’d wanted to do for ages but hadn’t started because I was focused on what I “should” be doing with my time, like getting a ‘proper’ job (which I tried in 2024… and lasted just two months!).

I don’t share this as a lecture or to convince anyone, but simply as part of my story. Maybe you’ve felt the same restlessness I once did, or maybe you’re just curious. Either way, I hope my journey encourages you to look a little deeper, too.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences, or you can explore more through this blog, where I write about what I’m learning. (At the moment, all blogs are related to Scripture, though I do plan on sharing art-related blogs too.)

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Thank you for reading. Feel free to get in touch.